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Sometimes, honesty is the best policy. Other times, when people speak openly and honestly about their lives, they find therapeutic value. To be clear, this is neither of those times. In fact, it would serve me better to conceal this tale, rather than publish it, even if anonymously. But hey, secrets aren’t fun.

I found a girlfriend through a porn games website. That’s simplifying the events of 2020 in near heretical ways. If you aren’t clear on what a porn games site is, it’s a website that post daily free porn games. Yes, games (just like PlayStation or Xbox, but completely porn). Not like, a nude scene here and some smutty language there. But like, full on porn in games. The entire purpose of these games are to experience porn, whether by unlocking content, or navigating a vagina’s g-spot with a laptop cursor. In other words, the porn aspect isn’t passive, its the central theme.

I’m sure at this juncture, you’re regretfully asking yourself, “how do you find love, or even sex, through a porn game?”

That’s a fair question. And trust me, I don’t plan to beat you down over your smutty curiosity that’s likely derived from a potential yearning for some similar sexual conquest. Yeah, I passively shamed you, get over it, we’re all humans with needs here.

The Porn Game Journey Begins With Online Dating

Back in 2018, my 5-year relationship went from “party-hookup mode” to “we are used to each other” to “this is going nowhere.” To be honest, “party-hookup mode” was the best time of them all. There were no expectations, just drive to one of our apartments on Friday, go to bars, meet friends, and then have sex a few drunken times and once sober on Sunday to say bye.

But relationships have a way of evolving, which is the point of a relationship, but it’s not always good. Trying to stop that evolution makes the relationship evolve faster, just in a poor direction.

For “Jane,” she began feeling uncomfortable with perceived expectations by her friends. “Are you two gonna get engaged?” I was thinking that. People who knew us considered that. She didn’t want that. So alas, it all fell apart the way in the same way cheap IKEA furniture eventually breaks down. First it’s the loose side of the couch. Then it’s the couch entirely.

I restarted my loin-gears. This meant my being back in bars with friends, awkwardly approaching girls hoping a guy with cauliflower ears didn’t suddenly spring up from his long bathroom trip. But things became frustrating. I was used to consistent weekend sex. Now I was struggling to find monthly encounters.

So I turned to online dating websites. But the more acceptable, mainstream sites seemed to lead to more drama than it was worth. Girls lied about their lives and desires. I think maybe I lied, or enhanced, my own life. Mainstream dating is a game of sales. If you can’t sell yourself, you’re probably wasting the $30/month membership subscription fee.

And that’s how I ended up finding an adult dating site. The sell was easy. “Hey bro, are you frustrated with Match? Wanna cut the BS and find girls who want sex and don’t care if you like hiking?”

I started out by getting an account on Fuckbook. Things began rather poorly. First, the site design reeks of garbage. Like, is this for real? How can I take this experience seriously? But then it occurred to me, this is a free adult dating site with some ads. They probably don’t focus on elaborate design schemes. And they don’t need marketing “calls to action,” really, because everyone wants this action.

Once on Fuckbook, I discovered that there are a slew of adult dating sites. And many are hyper focused on specific fetishes. Many people belong to a few different sites. I ended up using both Fuckbook and a dating website focused on handjobs. Right, how fucking weird am I? I sure hope you never find me, because now I feel like you must think I’m a total pervert. But then, if you’ve read this far, I suppose I can infer the same regarding you.

Laugh as you might, the handjob dating site paid off.

After meeting some duds, I ended up meeting a girl who dug giving handjobs. It was freaky. Like, she was really REALLY into things. She had all these handjob fantasies, like BDSM stuff, lotions, it was all overwhelming to my senses and mesmerizing. I was putty in her hand (yep, I did that).

But it was a single oddball fantasy she had that really stood out. She enjoyed giving a handjob while the guy played a porn game. More on that further down.

We didn’t meet right away. We talked on the phone. We Zoomed. I sent her pictures of my dick almost as an offering of good faith that I wasn’t some flake. I took a picture of my cock in front of a recent LA Times so she knew it was a legit recent dick picture. I’m kidding, but that would have been great.

We met about two weeks after initial communications began. At first, it was awkward, but super hot. She started off with light handjob fantasies that were basically rooted in femdom without the ropes. Eventually, all of this led to sex. And a sex fling was born.

But then one day she told me about this porn game fantasy.

She wanted me to play a porn game and she’d give me a handjob during it. Because a handjob was on the horizon, I hardly considered how weird playing a porn game might be. Until I sat down and started sifting through porn games.

Right away, these porn game sites just look like porn tube sites. Not that I’d know what free porn tube sites look like. I mean, yeah, I do. Let’s all stop pretending here, it’s getting more awkward than need be.

But porn game sites feature games that are porn based, not movies. So you sift through these games finding one that’s right for you. In this case, my girl sat by as I clicked on games, backed out of shitty ones, started decent ones, until I found a winner.

In this game, I was a newly hired university head that was set to abuse my powers by manipulating hot university girls and hot professors into sex. I was capable of spanking if need be, or simply passing failing hot sorority girls. Although I was already in a fetish-oriented relationship, I found that exposing this power trip university head fantasy to her was decently uncomfortable, but it also made me hard as a rock. She mostly smiled through the selection process. It was sort of like draft day when a girlfriend stares at her dude as Roger Goodell announces the Bengals selection for the 9th overall pick in the NFL draft. But hotter.

When we began, we had a rather big hurdle. We needed to find a way for me to pull my dick out and use my laptop at the same time. The solution? I opened the porn game on my iPhone. Yep, most porn games work great on mobile, even in the browsers. Thankfully, I use a VPN on my phone to prevent the powers that be from knowing I enjoy getting off to college professor sex. I gotta think sex fantasies featuring a college head spanking sorority girls are mostly embarrassing as f#$k, but not something I need my neighbor hackers to know.

Here’s the thing. The porn game, as it turned out, was actually fun. I expected a dog shit experience given it’s a free porn game, and in fairness, some of the ones I clicked most certainly were stupid, but not this one.

To be clear, I only made it to the point of paddling Amy for turning in a plagiarized Socrates essay until everything came to a “breaking point.” Awkward, yes. One of the best orgasms I’ve ever had? Yes again. Do I play a lot of porn games now? No, not really, but I’m always down for a good time with my new adult hookup fling.

In what’s the most absurd part of this story, her and I are now engaged. Irony anyone? OK, that wasn’t the “most absurd” part of this story. But it was a pretty cool ending.

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